Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
