mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
