I didn't shave. On purpose
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
