As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
