i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
