I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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