Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
