haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
