There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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