that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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