Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
