So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
