True but thats because hes a fetus.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
