You're completely useless in the revolution.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
