I can text with my tongue
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
