Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
