I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
