grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
