having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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