eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
