Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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