I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
