I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
