Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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