He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
