hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
