hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
