Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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