the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
