Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
