this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
