Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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