You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
