Whod you bang
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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