Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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