You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
