it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
