Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
