I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
