Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
They have beer where we have blood.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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