i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
