either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
