you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dick very happy bro
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
