we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
