haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
