drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
