I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
