if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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