i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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