are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
