we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
