The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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