3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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