I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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